Thalia’s Story
As told by Tiffany
In June 2018, we went along to our 20-week scan expecting a normal appointment. Instead, we discovered our baby had several abnormalities. We were devastated.
After speaking with specialists, we were told that either option we were given would lead to the same heart-breaking outcome, our baby girl would not survive.
We made the most difficult decision of our lives and had a Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR) on 4th June – our wedding anniversary. Thalia was born on 10th June. We were told her abnormalities were due to congenital cytomegalovirus (cCMV), a virus none of us had ever heard of. A post-mortem confirmed the diagnosis, and since then I have been trying to raise awareness of this virus.
We were given a memory box that included photos, teddies, the blankets she was wrapped in, and seeds to plant. All these things we often look through and treasure.
Navigating Grief and Trauma
The support from our bereavement midwives was fantastic. We were treated with such care and dignity. They also signposted us to different organisations for support. I found comfort in joining groups for people affected not only by cCMV but by baby loss in general – a whole community I didn’t know existed until I needed it.
We had a funeral service for Thalia, which was perfect and we now keep her ashes with us at home.
Trying Again After Loss
Deciding to try for another baby after such a devastating loss was incredibly difficult.
We felt torn. We wanted to tell people so we could have their support, but also wanted to keep it quiet in case it happened again. I spoke to a consultant and asked a lot of questions about the chances of contracting the virus again. I was assigned to a consultant who offered advice and had more frequent check-ups and scans, which helped ease the anxiety.
The Rainbow Pregnancy Journey
I received counselling during the pregnancy, which helped so much. I also spoke with the bereavement midwives, who prepared me for things like the possibility that my rainbow baby might look like my angel baby. I had supportive friends and family, and my employer was fantastic understanding if I needed time off for appointments or felt overwhelmed.
We honour Thalia on her birthday every year, which brings us great comfort.
Meeting Freya
When I finally held Freya, my rainbow baby, in my arms, all the anxiety I had been feeling just lifted. I was overwhelmed with love but also sadness from still grieving. I felt so proud, and a huge sense of achievement.
Grief, Hope, and Support
My partner and I talked endlessly and communicated every emotion we felt. We were open about our experience, and although the decision to try again was an easy one because we longed for a baby, we made sure we were fully informed and supported. Losing Thalia made us even stronger as a couple.
One person who truly supported us was the consultant we were assigned to, they helped us immensely. Reassurance scans gave us something to hold onto. We also spoke to Sands, rainbow baby support groups on social media, and attended the Kirkwood Hospice rainbow baby groups, where I met others who had experienced baby loss.
The Power of Community
Being able to talk freely with people who had been through baby loss was a huge support to me.
I hadn’t realised how many people had been affected. So many still feel they can’t talk about it, worried people won’t know how to respond, but sharing our stories helps.
Keeping Thalia’s Memory Alive
We celebrate two anniversaries for Thalia: the day her heart stopped beating and the day she was born. We light a special candle from her memory box and visit a special place we used to go. We have photos of her in the house and her ashes in our bedroom. We’ve told Freya about Thalia, and she will always know she has a big sister in heaven.
We also have ornaments that represent both girls, and Freya’s room is decorated with rainbows. We often call her our rainbow girl.
What “Stronger Together” Means to Me
To me, ‘Stronger Together’ means that by coming together, we can make more of an impact. We can raise awareness, offer guidance, and support other families affected by cCMV, because no one should have to go through this alone.